Dear Mom e-Letter
Remembering, Celebrating, Healing

Volume 1, Issue 2
First Christmas Without Mom
December 19, 2005

Dear Reader,

The first Christmas without your mom is one of the hardest days of your life. At least it was for me.

If your mom died this year, this is your first Christmas without her. Christmas without Mom is just unthinkable until it happens, simply because at least here in the Midwest, Moms MAKE Christmas happen. Moms are the ones who bake, cook, shop, wrap and decorate the tree. Every year. Until this one.

If this is your first Christmas without your mom, please be very good to yourself. The pain you’re feeling is real. You’re missing not just the woman who made the Holiday special, but the role she played. You’ll miss HER cookies, HER dinner, HER way of decorating.

I know.

When my mom died, suddenly, just before Christmas, I could barely function. The day she died, Mom was crocheting my daughter’s Christmas present—a rose-colored afghan. I found the other gifts Mom was making—ornaments for her children—and her hand-written note of who got what. I cut the note apart and gave each of my siblings the gifts from Mom and their name in her handwriting, written in her perfect penmanship, for the very last time.

The pain of Holiday grieving is intensified by the fact that while you’re hurting, while you’re in such deep pain, the rest of the world cheerfully sings and celebrates, decorates and enjoys the reds and greens of Christmas. They’re festive, and you’re not. And you know you used to be just like them, when your mom was alive.

The feeling will come back. It may come back differently, but it will come back.

Be good to yourself. Don’t crawl into a hole. Let your friends and family be there for you. And consider taking the time to write your mom a letter.

Writing your mom a letter can be a great way to remember and celebrate the wonderful holiday traditions she created. Remember the cookies she baked and frosted? Remember her favorite Christmas music that became your favorite music? Remember when Santa delivered exactly what you wanted and Mom was thrilled for you?

Just let yourself write. You’ll begin to remember more, and you’ll write more. When you let your fingers put those Holiday memories on paper, you’ll have something to clutch to your heart, to re-read and cry. And it will help you heal.

I did that with my first letter to mom. I cried, then I re-read it, and I cried some more, and I wrote some more.

Getting the feelings out is a great way to heal. It’s also a great way to create a gift—a memory you may want to share with your family, your children, and someday, your grandchildren. And what a great way to honor all the gifts your Mom gave you—especially the gift of making Christmas so special.

The letters I shared in Dear Mom not only allowed me to remember, celebrate and heal, but to say “thanks Mom.”

If someone you know would benefit from Dear Mom, please send them to my web site:  www.DearMomBook.com.  The first chapter is on-line, and they can sign up for this newsletter there as well. If you have a friend who needs some support, please forward this if you think it would help.

I wish you a Holiday Season filled with memories that you can celebrate.

Happy Holidays!

Dee Dee