Dear Mom e-Letter

Dear Mom E-Letter
Mom’s Christmas Imprints
Volume 2 Issue 13

Dear Reader,

One December day several years ago, I was visiting with a dear friend whose mother had had died that year.  “This is your first Christmas without your mom,” I said.  Surprised, she asked me how I knew.  I replied, “I know your mom died this year, and that makes this your first Christmas without her.  And that’s the hardest Christmas of your life.”

Instant tears showed the truth of that grim reality, so new, but not understood.  Life without mom is new enough, but Christmas without mom?  Unimaginable.    We become little girls again, confused, wondering where mom is.  But since we’re now adults, even mothers ourselves, we think something’s wrong with us, so we hide our feelings inside, worried that if we share our confusion, someone will think we’re crazy.

Christmas is one of the toughest holidays to face after your mother dies because of what I call “Mom imprints.”   Moms imprint every aspect of the Holidays—decorating, cooking, shopping, cards—with their style, creativity, and love.  Those imprints are the traditions we cherish, that we likely took for granted because, after all, mom was simply always there.

My mom died just three weeks before Christmas.  More than one woman has share with me the pain of losing their mom on Christmas Eve, and that, for me, is unimaginable.  How can you find joy in the midst of the incredible pain you feel when you face Christmas without mom?

First, please, be very gentle with yourself.  The pain you feel is real, intensified as the rest of the world sings, shops and celebrates joy you do not feel.  It’s Ok.  Give yourself permission to just be, surround yourself with loved ones who will listen and help you get through the Holiday grief.  Don’t try to “do it all.”  Do what you want to do, what you can do, and let the rest go.

Losing mom redefined Christmas for me.  I refuse to get caught up in the craziness of the holiday, because I cannot function there.  Every December 5 is hard for me, and sharing this journey with readers is also hard.  So I live in the place of celebrating the gift of Christmas, decorate a little, shop less (my husband is the shopper) and I take the time I need to write, be with people I want to be with, and enjoy traditions with my own family.

Second, identify one of the traditions your mom created that you cherish.   Consider the imprint that tradition has on your life, and what it means.  Did she make ornaments that still decorate your tree?  Did she make salads you can’t live without?  Did she shop and hide presents in ways you’ve adopted?

As you remember your mom’s traditions, celebrate them by sharing with friends or family, and then re-create one of them.   A woman from Iowa told me that the first Christmas after her mom died, she and her two sisters each brought the same salad to the family holiday dinner—one their mom had made every year for Christmas dinner!  What a gift of healing they gave themselves.

Third, write a letter.  Write to your mom, or write to your child or grandchild about your mom and one of her traditions.  It’s an amazing process I used to heal of my own mother’s death, and it’s great way to honor the traditions and values of the one who made Christmas special for so many years. 

I wrote my first letter to Mom on the anniversary of her death when Christmas ornaments she had made reminded me of the gifts of her life.  That began the journey of writing letters that five years later became a book that has helped many people take their own journey of remembering, celebrating and healing.

Start with finding the imprints of your mother’s Holiday traditions, and then you’ll easily find the imprints of her entire life—the love and the values that can soothe and heal.  One woman told me that reading Dear Mom was like getting a hug from her late mom.  We all need a hug like that at Christmas.  Give that hug to your friends and family, but give it to yourself as well.  And know that your mom is smiling as she watches over you, again, as she always has, this Christmas season.

Thank you for sharing the journey, and please share this with anyone who has lost their mom and needs a hug.  For more great information on taking the journey called Dear Mom, check out my new brochure by going to www.DearMomBook.com.

I wish you a blessed Christmas of finding the imprints of your mother’s life!

Dee Dee